Sensitive Matters in Marriage That Could Lead to Divorce if Not Properly Handled

What is Marriage?

Marriage is a union and a covenant between an adult male and female to remain devoted to each other for the rest of their lives.

Sensitive Matters in Marriage That Could Lead to Divorce if Not Properly Handled

According to God’s divine arrangement for marriage, married couples are meant to live together until death separates them. However, certain sensitive matters have often threatened or led to the violation of this divine arrangement. They include the following:

1. Apology
2. Finance
3. Engagement with in-laws and relatives
4. Sex
5. Health challenge
6. Delay in childbirth
7. Association with third parties (friends and colleagues)
8. Career pursuit
9. Physical appearance and care for oneself
10. Respect for one’s spouse
11. Lying to one’s spouse
12. Communication
13. Appreciation
14. Inconsistency in expressing love to each other
15. Comparing one's spouse to other spouses

1. Apology: Admittedly, offence or conflict is an issue that is unavoidable in any relationship, including marriage. However, the willingness of the erring spouse to apologize and take responsibility for the offence is what will determine whether it will be resolved amicably or if it will degenerate to the extent of divorce.
2. Finance:Some problems associated with finance that can affect marriage negatively include:

• If a spouse is not prudent in how he or she spends their income, this is seen when he or she is extravagant and persistently engages in impulsive purchases.
• A spouse earns more than the other and lords it over him or her.
• A spouse is unwilling to disclose to his or her partner how much he or she earns.
• A spouse chooses not to contribute financially to the running of the home and marriage. In other words, he or she (for no genuine reasons at all) refuses to get a job or engage in any venture that will earn money for the family’s upkeep.
• Lack of sincerity about how much one earns as a salary or wage.
• Lack of accountability or transparency in how one spends money.
• If a spouse is thrifty to a fault, i.e., a spouse, not because there is no money, chooses to be miserly to the needs of the family.
• A spouse makes financial decisions without the awareness or approval of the other.
• A spouse earns money through fraudulent or indecent means.
• The misconception that the money one earns is one’s and, as such, could be spent as one chooses

3. Engagement with in-laws and relatives: The Bible, in Gen. 2.24 (KJV), says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.” Although the predicates, leave and shall cleave, refer to the man, this saying is also applicable to the woman (or wife). As couples, they are both responsible and accountable to no one else but to God and each other. And as much as one holds one’s parents and family members in high esteem, certain engagements with them could lead to divorce. They include:

• Spouses choosing to comply with the advice or suggestions of their parental family without the knowledge and approval of their partners.
• A spouse demanding or providing undue support (in kind or cash) for his or her parental family without regard for their immediate family or the other spouse’s family.
• Family members of either of the spouses meddling with their affairs without their approval.

4. Sex: Apart from the purpose of procreation, sex offers several benefits to married couples. However, if not harnessed properly, it could result in divorce. This can occur in the following ways:

• If either spouse experiences sexual dissatisfaction
• If there is a case of infidelity or involvement in extramarital affairs
• Deliberate denial of sexual intimacy

5. Health Challenge: A breakdown in health is one of the unforeseen occurrences in marriage. This can happen to anyone—the husband, wife, children, and extended family members—and it could take its toll on the family’s resources, put a strain on relationships, and lead to divorce if not properly managed.
6. Delay in Childbirth: This is another unforeseen occurrence in marriage that can test the genuineness of any marital commitment. This can put so much pressure and strain on the spouses and, at times, the extended family members. If not properly addressed, desperation to have children can stir up conflict within the family, resulting in divorce.

7. Association with Third Parties: Friendship ties can be so strong that even marriage, in some cases, may not break or weaken. Unless boundaries are set, spouses unintentionally find themselves,

• preferring the company of their friends to their partner’s;
• confiding more in friends or colleagues than their partners; and
• consenting to the advice of their friends or colleagues rather than their partner’s.

This inadvertently engenders distrust between couples, which can lead to divorce.
8. Career Pursuit: Several marriages have ended in divorce as a result of spouses giving more attention to their jobs or businesses than to their marriage. Frequent business trips, ceaseless meetings, overtime engagements at work, etc. are some of the activities involved in one’s career pursuit, which, if not moderated, can affect one’s marriage and lead to divorce.
9. Physical Appearance and Care for Oneself: Admittedly, one of the several things that attracts a man to a woman (and vice versa) is the physical appearance and carriage of the woman. So many men fell in love with their spouses due to their charming looks. The implication of that is that if their spouses are unable to maintain their attractive looks, they are likely to lose their affection. Some marriages have come to an end because either spouse no longer has affection for the other.
10. Respect for One’s Spouse: Respect, they say, is reciprocal. It is one of the qualities of a mature relationship. Spouses should have respect for each other, whether at home or in public. There is, however, a tendency for spouses to take this virtue for granted, as evident in the following ways:

• The use of derogatory remarks;
• Making unpleasant jokes about one’s partner;
• Having no regard for a partner’s wishes or instructions;
• Displaying an embarrassing attitude in the presence of one’s spouse; and
• Disclosing a partner’s weakness to humiliate him or her.

11. Lying to One’s Spouse: Lying to one’s spouse is a gross misconduct that breeds distrust. Lying gradually erodes the foundation of any marriage, culminating in divorce. Married couples should leave no room for this and every act of insincerity and deception.
12. Communication: This is very vital in any relationship. Through communication, couples can express their views and perceptions about any issue. Communication ensures that there is no misunderstanding between them. It also strengthens the bond between them. Not engaging in it at all portends an unhealthy relationship, which can end in divorce.
13. Appreciation: Contrary to the perception that appreciation is a show of one’s vulnerability, in marriage, expressing gratitude to one’s spouse signifies how much one values not only their gestures but also their person. Appreciation endears spouses to each other. It fosters a relationship filled with respect, humility, and love.
14. Inconsistency in Expressing Love to Each Other: Some couples have lost the charm they had for each other before and after the wedding because they no longer see the need to either verbalize or act out their love for each other. As humans, we are emotional beings in need of love and care. Not having any of these dehumanizes us, and the impact on marriage can be disastrous.
15. Comparing One's Spouse to Other Spouses: Comparison in marriage is an expression of dissatisfaction with one's partner, which is very humiliating. Admittedly, no one is perfect; however, if, as a spouse, the only way one can express displeasure at one's spouse’s weakness is by comparing him or her to others, then that is extreme.

Any of the above is sensitive enough to result in divorce if poorly handled. Therefore, couples should exercise due caution in these regards.

How to Handle These Sensitive Matters and Thus Prevent Divorce

First of all, married couples should make it a duty to stay true to their marital vows and commitments. They need to agree that divorce will never be an option in the event of a crisis in their marriage.

Then, they should carefully consider the matters outlined above and find ways to circumvent or forestall them.

If the need arises, they may consult a marriage counselor for proper counseling.

Finally, as a matter of priority, married couples should always rely on the Word of God (also known as the Bible) for instructions and guidance in their marriage.