Should Marriage Stand in the Way of the Fulfillment of a Woman’s Dreams or Ambitions?

I grew up to learn that before marrying my dad, my mom had attained proficiencies in typing and shorthand skills. These were necessary skills at one time (in addition to one’s academic qualifications) to qualify for the position of a secretary in any organization. However, with several years gone in marriage, she never had the opportunity to employ those skills profitably. Undoubtedly, acquiring those skills must have been an ambition for her, but that ambition never impacted her life or her family's in any way. Today, I am in my mid-forties, and I poignantly reflect that my mom sacrificed her dreams to raise my siblings and me. Although I have not been able to sum up the courage to ask her, I have always wondered if she has found fulfillment in the way she has lived her life.

I strongly feel that everyone has the right, regardless of their age, gender, status, or background, to fulfill their dreams or ambitions, as much as they have the right to live. A woman’s dream or ambition is equally important as that of a man. Spouses should work as a team to realize each other’s dreams or ambitions.

Misconceptions in Marriage That Stand in the Way of the Fulfillment of a Woman’s Dreams or Ambitions

There are some principles and mindsets that have been imbibed by certain individuals, traditions, religions, and societies that impede the fulfillment of a woman’s dreams or ambitions in marriage. They include:

• A man’s dreams or ambitions should automatically be the woman's, without regard for her dreams or ambitions.
• When a woman forgoes her dreams or ambitions, it is a sign of humility and total submission to the man.
• A woman will become uncontrollable and arrogant if allowed to fulfill her dreams or ambitions.
• The purpose of a woman is solely for sex and childbearing.
• The role of providing for the needs of the family is exclusively for the man, and as such, the woman should be dependent on the man.
• Allowing a woman to pursue her dreams or ambitions will make her equal to a man.
• The home front will be neglected if a woman is allowed to pursue her dreams or ambitions.

Consequences of Not Encouraging a Woman to Fulfill Her Dreams or Ambitions

Not encouraging a woman to pursue and fulfill her dreams or ambitions can have unfavourable impact. They include:

• It can lead to a lot of financial strain or burden on the man in providing for the needs of the family.
• It may lead to untold hardship for the woman and her children in the event of the demise of the man.
• It. most often, makes decision-making at home unilateral instead of being mutual.
• It serves as a setback to the global goal of empowering women for better families and society.
• It contributes to the low attendance and/or high dropout from school of female students.
• It contributes to a breakdown in marriage.
• It may cause dissatisfaction and lack of fulfilment in marriage and life for the woman.
• It gives the girl-child a wrong impression of what marriage is all about.
• The woman may lose her husband’s respect.
• It can lead to disunity in the home.
• It could lead to the formation of families and societies lacking in social-cultural values.

Benefits of Encouraging a Woman to Fulfill Her Dreams or Ambitions

A woman’s role in marriage is to support the man, and how can she do that if not by encouraging her to pursue her dreams or ambitions? Here are some benefits of encouraging a woman fulfil her dreams or ambitions:

1. It can create financial stability: A woman’s pursuit of ambitions can contribute to the family’s financial well-being, reducing dependency on a single income source.
2. It enables personal fulfillment: Encouraging her dreams allows her to pursue her passions and goals, leading to a sense of personal satisfaction and happiness.
3. It fosters stronger relationships: When both spouses support each other’s dreams and ambitions, it strenthens their emotional connection and respect in marriage.
4. It promotes increased self-esteem: Achieving personal dreams or ambitons can boost the woman's self-esteem and confidence, positively affecting her overall well-being.
5. It makes the woman a role model to her children: Encouraging a woman to pursue and fulfil her dreams or ambitions sets a positive example for her children (particularly the girl child), teaching them the importance of pursuing their dreams and respecting each other’s goals.
6. It enhances problem-solving ability in the woman. Pursuing ambitons can help develop problem-solving and decision-making skills, which can benefit the marriage as a whole.
7. It empowers the woman to identify and maximize opportunites that can be beneficial to the family.

The Bible, in Proverbs 31.10 – 31, illustrates how productive and benefical a wowan can be if given the opportunity to pursue and fulfil her dreams or ambitions. She can be described as being

• industrious and self-reliant;
• enterprising;
• versatile;
• innovative and daring;
• modest;
• goal-oriented;
• kind and generous;
• knowledgeable and God-fearing;
• presentable and affable;
• open-minded and optimistic;
• a source of pride to her family; and
• respected and trusted by her husband.

Undoubtedly, every married man will desire a wife who possesses, if not all, at least some of the qualities enumerated above and what are better ways to achieve these, if not by encouraging and supporting a woman to fulfil her dreams or ambitions?

In conclusion, every concerned and caring man (and vice versa) should be interested in his spouse’s dreams or ambitions and also provide adequate support to enable her to accomplish them. Even when there are conflicts in their ambitions, spouses should dialogue and see how they can streamline their ambitions for their benefit and that of their family. An ideal spouse will make it a responsibility to see to the fulfilment of his or her partner’s dreams or ambitions.